Monday, February 13, 2006

How?



The order of the day is to be smart. By being smart one can achieve growth, sustainability, competitiveness, efficiency and many, many more. But the call of the day is to be intelligent. Being intelligent makes you smart, of course. In addition you will be creative, useful and most importantly, you will be able to survive. You will be wiser.

The most basic need for intelligence, the most important in fact, is to be intelligent in using the toilet bowl. Toilet bowl? Yes, right.

Imagine yourself eating too much of Kak Has’s bubur ‘asyura, and had to rush out of meetings or conventions that was held in a hotel. Say the Pan Pacific in KL. You were lucky to find not just an empty can (toilet lah!), not just empty but it was clean and with piped music, to add to the ambience.

And you managed to complete your business.

And then, you became puzzled. How on earth do you operate it? It was one of the modern toilets with a built-in bidet, with several buttons and gadgets attached to it and with several pipes in the inner part of the bowl, that would move in and out, in accordance with whichever button that you pressed. And having pressed the wrong buttons have ended in you first having your newly pressed shirt all wet, then water sprayed all over your face, hair and glasses, then the trousers that you hung to the door also not spared.

You were really caught in an embarrassing situation. What the heck! No wonder they had music, to soothe your temper that was slowly reaching its critical breaking point.

And it was really your fault for not reading the Standard Operation Procedures (SOP) for use of the toilet. Probably you missed it for you were in a hurry. See, the SOP was pasted to the inner part of the seat cover. In small prints. In order to read, you would have to first go to the ritual of kneeling in front of the bowl and put your head close to the bowl-seat, almost to the extent of enabling you to smell the water in the bowl. But problem, problem. It was in Japanese English. So you needed time to go over it and understand the instructions. But had you read it and Kak Has’s bubur was working too effectively on you, so what would you have done? No time to finish the SOP, obviously. And back to square one, read or not read the instructions, the resultant effect on you would still have been the same. All wet. So you took the risk.

And when you exit from the toilet, you realised that a few others were just as wet as you were. And it wasn't even raining outside.

Obviously the toilet was designed only for the Japanese cos they are customized to bowing before doing anything. Dozo.


p.s.: Kak Has. Your bubur 'Ashura' looks tempting.


36 comments:

lentiform said...

Hahahaha....kesiannya!

dr in the house said...

Hmm...didnt know there's already such toilets here in Malaysia. Frankly, Malaysian public are not ready for such toilets. Firstly we need to learn how to keep out public toilets clean. We are so behind in public cleanliness!

crimsonskye said...

makes me appreciate the good old-fashioned cangkung style all the more.

tapi bak kata drroza, yang penting tandas bersih. it reminds me of an article featured in a newspaper (forgot which one) a long time ago, about the toilet conditions in Malaysia. all the photos taken had to be 'censored'.

A.Z. Haida said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
A.Z. Haida said...

ooohh.. so, nikko is no longer the only one with such toilets now.

i first experienced such toilet in 2002, when i attended a 2 weeks course in Tokyo. was basically impressed by it and were really pleased to find it in Nikko some time last year.

eh - i thought the pictures on the button gave enough hints of their functions...
apparently not, huh?

abdullahjones said...

Obviously the toilet was designed only for the Japanese cos they are customized to bowing before doing anything. Dozo.


hehehehe.

ChikaDior said...

sy rasa nak link kan blog kamu sbb tulisan kamu macam menarik je. Lagi menarik nama kamu ; KENG!

Ku Keng said...

Lentiform: Happened to the male users quite a number of times. Implying that men are poor in understanding toilet manuals(?).

Puan Dr.: Oh, quite a number of hotels now use this. For convenience I use the toilets for handicaps. More spacious to evade the water spouts. Then the caretaker would survey me up and down to see why I considered myself hadicapped. If she had asked, I would have replied "My Brain!".

Crimsonskye: Not just that, it is also sunnah, with the left hand in between the bent of the left leg. And must squat slightly tilted to the left. An oncologist friend from the US (a tabligh member) prescribed the squatting position to his colon-cancer patients. And surprisingly they showed great improvements.

Kak Haida: Pan Pac was the first, but Nikko has more advanced ones. Pictures on the side bar? No time to ponder through it.

A Jones: Ah sor das ne! Haik.

ChikaDior: In my kampung (ask Kak Has) 'chika' means constant purging. Link? OK passed. I will do the same. My name is Ku Keng. Not Keng Yaik!

Why are you still up at 2.34 a.m? This year I am starting my monthly lectures at UUM. I will find you and reprimand you for wasting the late nite oils.

Has said...

Keng, yes, I came across such toilet in M'sia, but imagine, the year was 1996, in Tokyo, without thinking and letting go, then, menongeng-nongeng nak baca japanese to operate the toilet, last2 hurry back to my hotel and complete the ritual, he he he.

Bubur asyura is so good at knocking winds out of the exhaust pipe, so kalau gi meeting, make sure duduk jauh dengan orang lain, keh, keh, keh, and make sure the room has ventilation and air freshener.

Has said...

testing new icon.

Has said...

and becareful of bidet in public toilets, the water pressure changes with the usage in the neighbouring cubicles, and what may appear just nice hitting the spot you wanted, may end up on your neck or shoulders, keh, keh, keh.

dr in the house said...

Keng- QOTH and Nurelhuda once suggested that I used the toilet for handicapped too. Probably I'll use the same line as yours whenever I am caught, hehe...who can vouch that we are not mentally handicapped eh?

Has- icon gambar apa tu. Lagi jauh nampak cam fetus dalam Gestational sac. Tenig lama2 cam pikachu dalam cawan, hehe

ChikaDior- habis kau! Tapi Keng, awak pon tak boleh merapu dah sebab ada anak murid dalam blogsphere!

Ku Keng said...

Kak Has: So we have some common experiences with this Hi-Tech gadget. And just as DITH commented, to me the icon looks like a sleeping kitten - in the freezer! Shall I call the SPCA?

Puan Dr.: Ha, ha. Try it. It is more convenient to use this toilet. But I don't understand teh desing of those toilets at the KLIA. The doors are so heavy and even I had to use sheer force to close it. Or is it intended not to be closed, for security needs?

Don't worry Chikador, I would be in a different faculty. Finance. Nyakat aje.

ChikaDior said...

but i'm not studying in uum.I'm in ukm laaaa..... ahahaha.....

Nyetok said...

Aku nak beli satu mangkuk tandas camni, Saiz baby ada tak? kat mana nak order ek?

Ku Keng said...

ChikaDior: UKM pun tak selamat.

Nyetok: Nyyetok ni pasa kkejuk kor Ayah Peng kor pasa apo? Hor, makok hok ggitu dulu ado jjuar di Gong Kepas. Lor ni gak, pasa abih gok batu bator jadi projek rumah, ambe dok tau lah mmano lagi ado orang buak. Susah susah demo gi Jjepung lah, beli dek nung, sene sikit. Murah pulak tu.

bergen said...

(hadir)

Sayuti said...

(hadir juga, lalu angkat tangan)

hari tu saya ditegur seorang lelaki berserban di dalam tandas ofis. dia bertanya:

"dik, camne nak cebok nih?"

lalu saya ajarkan.

p/s: ayat saya yg terakhir di atas rasanya perlu diubahsuai.

crimsonskye said...

cik nurul aka chikadior: kesimpulannya lepas ni tengok dulu jam pukul berapa before posting any comments ;)

Ku Keng said...

Nyetok: Tambahan: Har orang Besut panggil kile tu gok jokong, buke batu bator. Di gok jokong tu lah ore buak mangkok jambe tu. Dulu, dulu. Lor ni tue gok tu jadi developer rumah dah.

Bergen: Hadir ruhani atau jasmani?

Sayuti: Ha ni lagi sorang. Macam mana hang nampak orang tu tengah nak cebok? Pintu terbukak ke? Suruh dia cek lain kali, di bawah tudung tandas tu, ada arahan bertulis.

Apartment kat mana?

Crimsonskye: Cikadior tu awal pagi dia aktif. Siang-siang dia kurang sikit. Apa nama air kelapa-bersantan yang famous di Labuan tu?

loppiess said...

hahaha..isu mu lawok dude,
...cuma membawa ingatan ku semasa kami "beroperasi" ( without proper SOP ) di parit besar tepi bendang, ikan keli banyak menunggu di bawah dude,...meriah..hahaha.

Ku Keng said...

lope: Ada SOPnya Lope. Tak boleh menghadap kiblat. Tidak pada tempat air yang tak mengalir. Jangan ditanah orang, nanti tuan tanahnya berperang besar dengan kamu, dll. Ha, ha.

maklang said...

Alamak Keng, I have been trying to get into your blog but every time it was kicked out. Got frustrated a few times. Last nite it did it again.

I really wanted to make some comments on the loo. Hei.... Memang it really gives problem to "cebok" when you have to adjust your position in order to clean up. Especially for the ladies!! ( I have problems but I do not know with the rest!). It's much easier if we just use the bidet or pipe getah but of course that will not be so classlaa.... But Malay will be Malay. Better use the conventional waylah...yakin sikit!! U macamana Keng??

My Abang was in MMC-Mc Dermot from 1997 to 1999, rasanya. I was there for 3 months only and then rejoin my old kompeni. Went there just to find a pakwe, I told my colleague before I left the office. Yes, I did my mission and return to the old kompeni. Mission success up till now, Alhamdulillah. Lupa, yes we were in the Pernas Building, Engineering Div. Were you there then?? But I guess u are much younger than us

Nice to know u.

kenakelayan said...

Do we really need such sophisticated toilets? A bidet looks like a kiddy sink to me.
Cangkung, IMHO is still the most hygienic.. no contact!

Sayuti said...

Eh, maaf atas salah paham, tuan Keng. Dia tanya sebelum dia masuk ke dalam cubicle tandas utk memulakan pelaburan.

Sayuti said...

Alang2 bercakap tentang tandas, komen seorang kawan saya tentang tandas dan tandas awam boleh dibaca di dua link di bawah:

http://obefiend.blogspot.com/2006/01/bright-bog-brainstorm-blog.html

http://obefiend.blogspot.com/2006/01/artblog-2.html

NBB said...

banyaknya button tandas tu. sekali pandang macam massager je...hi hi

Nyetok said...

Meriah Sunggoh rumah tuan Keng (sekarang ni menjadi rumah kedua aku..)Syabas Keng, ambo sokong demo .Kecik2 dulu ambo melabur bowoh pokok Nyo jah, takut jugok kalu2 buoh nyo kering jatuh atas palo.. goreng pise nyo mano?

Ku Keng said...

Maklang: Same building, with the bank downstairs. But was on the 21st floor. Much senior.

Kenakelayan: Are you DITH's sis? Cangkung is not only healthy but also a sunnah.

Sayuti: LOL LOL

NBB: Kerana banyak butanglah yang menjadi masalah. Betul ke you ni ex KISAS?

Nyetok: Sleke wok. Patok la nyor Kkale Nyireh mahar-mahar. Goreng pise takdok, tapi ubi torok bakar ado belanar.

ChikaDior said...

chikadior : nite person // catwoman wannabe....

crimsonskye said...

air kelapa bersantan yg femes? first time dengar ni. kalau ambuyat tahulah.

NBB said...

pakcik keng:tak betul.

Ku Keng said...

ChikaDior: :)). Kamu ni adik beradik Christian Dior ke?

crimsonskye: Sorry, it is Cocunut Pudding. Merata ada jual e.g. Sheraton, etc. But the best is at Hotel Pulau Labuan 2.

NBB: Nasib baik, sangkakan ada orang yang mencari kamu untuk menghantar rombongan, dan kamu mengelak.

Sayuti said...

tuan keng: berkenan?

kenakelayan said...

Keng
Am related to DrRoza's husband, iKelah. :)

imachee said...

I laughed out loud reading at bro keng's blog, but I cried out loud too when I see this: -

www.brokennewz.com/displaystory.asp_Q_storyid_E_1250islmaflush